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Johnnie's Cafe Archives |
Q: How do you tell if a Wagnerian soprano is dead?
A: The horses seem very relieved.
Q: How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to change the bulb and three to bitch that they could have done it if they had the high notes.
Q: What do you see if you look up a soprano's skirt?
A: A tenor.
Q: How do you tell if a tenor is dead?
A: The wine bottle is still full and the comics haven't been touched.
Q: How do you put a sparkle in a soprano's eye?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ear.
Q: Where is a tenor's resonance?
A: Where his brain should be.
Q: What's the definition of a male quartet?
A: Three men and a tenor.
A math and physics student was hit by a brick falling from a house. He fainted, but came to after a while and started smiling. The onlookers were worried, so they asked him why the smile.
"I just realized how lucky I am because the kinetic energy is only half m v squared."
Found on: http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/2.html
Saint Peter is checking ID's at the Pearly Gates, and first comes a Texan. "Tell me, what have you done in life?" says St. Peter.
The Texan says, "Well, I struck oil, so I became rich, but I didn't sit on my laurels--I divided all my money among my entire family in my will, so our descendants are all set for about three generations."
St. Peter says, "That's quite something. Come on in. Next!"
The second guy in line has been listening, so he says, "I struck it big in the stock market, but I didn't selfishly just provide for my own like that Texan guy. I donated five million to Save the Children."
"Wonderful!" says Saint Peter. "Come in. Who's next?"
The third guy has been listening, and says timidly with a downcast look, "Well, I only made five thousand dollars in my entire lifetime."
"Heavens!" says St. Peter. "What instrument did you play?"
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Robert Boyle:
A: She had been under too much pressure at home.
Found on: http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/2.html
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Andre Ampere:
A: To keep up with current events.
Found on: http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/2.html
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Aristotle:
A1: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
A2: The other side of the road was its natural place.
A3: To actualize its potential.
Found on: http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/2.html
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Sir Isaac Newton:
A1: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.
A2: It was pushed on the road.
A3: It was pushed on the road by another chicken, which went away from the road.
A4: It was attracted to a chicken on the other side of the road.
A5: I have not yet found the cause of this behaviour of the chicken, based on
the phenomenons and I do not make hypotheses.
A6: No doubt the ancients knew why the chicken crossed the road and I am
studying the bible and try to rediscover their mathematics to found out why
the chicken crossed the road.
A7: I wrote a manuscript on chickens crossing the road a few years back. It is
in a drawer somewhere and I will send it to you as soon as I find it, dear
Halley.
Found on: http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/2.html
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Werner Heisenberg:
A1: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
A2: It was uncertain if it could make it, but wanted to try on general principles.
A3: Because the chicken is moving very fast, you can either observe the chicken or you can measure the chicken, but you cannot do both.
A4: We could tell you how it crossed the road, but we couldn't tell you where.
Found on: http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/2.html
Okay, here's the first of several admittedly high brow jokes:
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Georg Ohm:
A1: There was more resistance on this side of the road.
A2: She resisted the idea at first.
Found on: http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/2.html
Two factory workers were talking:
"I think I'll take some time off from work," said the man.
"How do you think you'll do that?" said the blonde.
He proceeded to show her by climbing up to the rafters, and hanging upside down.
The boss walked in, saw the worker hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was doing?
"I'm a light bulb," answered the guy.
"I think you need some time off," said the boss.
So, the man jumped down and walked out of the factory. The blonde began walking out too.
"Where do you think you're going?" the boss asked.
The blonde answered, "Home, I can't work in the dark."