I'm in the supermarket the other day, with two items in hand, looking for the shortest check-out line. I spot one and make my move. Coming around the corner I see two things that raise my ire: first, the sign that says "10 Items or Less", which always twists a knot in my grammatical gut and second, one of those screw-customer-service-style self-check-out stations. I make it out of the store and as I'm driving away, thanking God that I didn't punch the check-out station for ringing up my milk as feminine hygiene products (again), I take a deep breath to relax. That's when it hits me: I know why the sign is grammatically incorrect!
![[image: ©2004 Alan T. Sloan - 10 items or less sign with fewer written over less]](http://www.execnet.net/users/alan/blogs/archives/alanskew/10_items_or_fewer.gif) | Now I've been a professional writer for 14 years, so knowing whether or not something is grammatically correct is kind of like Spider-Man's spider-sense tingling whenever there's trouble. Of course the difference between me and him (other than fact vs. fiction) is that where he always goes off to save the heroine, I cannot always immediately correct that which I know is grammatically incorrect. The problem I often encounter, as do many writers and editors, is that I'll change something if I can, but more often than not it requires explaining why something is wrong before being allowed to take action. For example, earlier this week I called a friend to the carpet about using "less" instead of "fewer" incorrectly. Other than when around children and ESL students, I try not to be the annoying wank who goes around correcting everyone's grammar. In this case my friend prides herself on being well-read and articulate, so I knew she'd appreciate being corrected in a constructive way. The problem arose when I corrected her and cited the "10 Items or Less" sign as an equivalent example and suddenly realized I couldn't explain why one is correct and the other not. She teased me about it and all I could say was, "Well...um...well, it just is!" Of course she got even with me by the condescending quip, "Of course, of course, I believe you, you're the trained professional writer and ESL teacher, not me!" AAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!! |
