December 2004 Archives

I was wondering the other day about the origin of the phrase "pie in the sky." Here's what I found with a quick search online:

Pie in the Sky is defined by Dictionary.com as an empty wish or promise. Their definition entry offers the quote:

"To outlaw deficits... is pie in the sky"
—Howard H. Baker, Jr.

I'll guess and say that the researchers for this site are using Baker's quote as an example, not an attribution. If it's intended as an attribution then they ought to refer to another of Houghton Mifflin's titles, The American Heritage^® Dictionary of Idioms by Christine Ammer which traces the phrase back to 1911 when it was used in a rallying song by the International Workers of the World (or "Wobblies"):

"Work and pray, live on hay,
you'll get pie in the sky when you die."

Best wishes to everyone for a safe, Merry Christmas.

Here's a few others from the collection of self-portraits I made this past weekend:

I've been feeling a little stressed out about work and a tad blue this holiday season, so I thought I'd do a couple of self-portraits. Don't worry, while these capture my mood over the last few weeks, I've finished the stressful projects at work and am looking forward to having some time off at Christmas and New Year's.

Images on this entry are Copyright ©2004 Alan T. Sloan.

Schizophrenia ---
Do You Hear What I Hear?

Multiple Personality Disorder ---
We Three Queens Disoriented Are

Amnesia ---
I Don't Know if I'll be Home for Christmas

Narcissistic ---
Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

Manic ---
Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and...

The Engineering group I work with had a Yankee gift swap today to celebrate the holidays. For those not familiar with the concept, it's pretty simple: say there's 15 people in the group and everyone brings a wrapped gift of a set value, say no more than $10. Each person pulls a number from a bowl, then the person with #1 selects a gift and unwraps it. The person with #2 selects a gift, unwraps it, and then can swap with #1. Each person thereafter picks a gift and has the option of swapping with any of the other opened gifts. After #15 selects his or her present, the person with #1 has the option of swapping with anyone else's. Believe it or not, this was the most coveted gift at today's Yankee swap. It was swapped about six times between the 14 people who participated:

The "winner" of this gift decided to share it with the whole group by hanging it from the ceiling outside our Vice President's office. Apologies for the poor quality, I took the photo with my cell phone.

Great cartoon forwarded by one of my Indian co-workers:

When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mother was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink.

Here's some friendly holiday eating tips from my friend Becca:

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like in single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

Barbara Walters of 20/20 (USA) did a story on gender roles in Kabul several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands.

She returned to Kabul recently and observed that women still walk behind their husbands, but now seem to walk even further back and are happy with the old custom.

Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you now seem happy with the old custom that you used to try and change?"

"Land mines," said the woman.

(From my Aunt Judy)

A visiting minister waxed eloquent during the offertory prayer: "Dear Lord," he began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his upturned face, "without you we are but dust..."

He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening carefully for a change!) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"

(Thanks to Becca for sharing this one)

deer santa

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.

Yer Frend,
BiLLy

Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!

Santa