August 2003 Archives

I recently applied to a school in Barcelona, Spain to take a course so I can learn how to teach English as a foreign language. At 5:00 a.m. today (which is 11:00 a.m. in Barcelona) I had a phone interview with an instructor from International House Barcelona.

Recently I read an article that stated: "The best way to achieve inner peace is to finish things you have started."

With that in mind, today I finished two large bags of potato chips, the last half of a cherry pie, a nearly full bottle of Bushmills Irish Whisky, a medium-sized box of Godiva Chocolates, and I slapped the shit out of someone I have never liked. I feel better than I have for a long time.

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers was on the door of the crypt where the casket waited to be rolled inside. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket was slid inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter...

"My two fingers on a typewriter have never connected with my brain. My hand on a pen does. A fountain pen, of course. Ball-point pens are only good for filling out forms on a plane."
—Graham Greene

"Painting is a nail to which I fasten my ideas."
—Georges Braque

On the way home from celebrating my niece Rowan's birthday on Wednesday, I saw this amazing cloud formation and felt compelled to photograph it. I think it's a stunning image:

Today was my second adventure in babysitting my friends' John & Sandy's daughter, Marie. I think it was a lot easier today, for several reasons. First, I only watched her in the morning. We both got up late, I was up at 7:45 and Marie didn't wake until almost 8:30 as John was scurrying to get out of the house.

Sunday night I had dinner at Sandy and John's house, however unlike the simple, yet delicious meals that Sandy has prepared for us since my arrival, this night Chef Johnnie was in charge and we were all in for a culinary treat!

I'm visiting friends in Pittsburgh, PA this weekend. Among my activities was the chance to babysit my best friend John's daughter, Marie yesterday. She's an absolute joy.

Here's two pictures of her I took today with her Irish Party Ears on:

This is a joke my friend John told me while I was visiting him in Pittsburgh this weekend:

Somewhere in the deep South, Bubba called an attorney and asked, "Is it true they're suing the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer?"

"Yes, Bubba, that is true."

A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, he notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and the new CEO wants to let them know he means business! He walks up to the guy and asks, "How much money do you make a week?"

Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $300 a week. Why?"

The CEO then hands the guy $300 in cash and screams, "Here's a week's pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"

My buddy Rob just called to let me know about something he read on the web today: The HR wizards at Allstate Insurance released a memo to employees this week describing a new feature on their internal intranet: an automatic self-termination process. The details are described in an internal memo that someone posted on internalmemos.com.