As you may know, I grew up and went to undergrad in Buffalo, NY. For those of you who don't know much about Buffalo, I thought I would share a little insight with you on the personalities and attitudes associated with different areas in and near Buffalo through the following series of light bulb jokes:
Q: How many West Siders does it take to screw
in a light bulb?
A: I dunno, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss' secretary's sister's next door neighbor's priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights of Columbus Sergeant-at-Arms' nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
NOTE: I grew up on the West Side!
Q: How many UB students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 25,000 - twenty to write the grant proposal requesting funds to study the effect of earthquakes on light bulbs, one to screw in the bulb, and 24,979 to whine about how Buffalo light bulbs suck compared to the ones on Long Island.
Q: How many Delaware District residents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but it will take a year to find an antique Edison light bulb that that is Pan American Expositionally accurate.
Q: How many Riverside residents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Satan prefers black candles.
Q: How many South Buffalonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two - one to hold the bulb, the other to give the first guy pints of Guinness to start him spinning. GUINNESS?? Shite 'n' begorra --nobody in South Buffalo drinks Guinness. They drink Bud Lite.
Q: How many Williamsville/Amherst residents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They'd rather screw Buffalo.
Q: How many East Amherst residents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, and it will be the biggest and brightest light bulb in the entire subdivision!
Q: How many Orchard Park residents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Light bulbs? They're so Amherst.
Q: How many Kenmore residents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two - one to do it and a cop to make sure he isn't doing it too fast.
Q: How many Tonawanda residents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, but it has to look like every other light bulb on the block.
Q: How many Lancaster residents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None - they're afraid there's been too much light bulb development already.
Q: How many Hamburg residents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two - one to pull the bulb out of the snowbank, and one to screw it in.
Q: How many Southtowners does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 51. One one to screw in the light bulb, and fifty members of Spirit of Youth to sing a happy song about it at the Erie County Fair.
Q: How many Buffalo city planners does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Six - four to write an extensive study recommending a three-way 100/200/250 watt light bulb, one to write a series of articles in the Buffalo News praising the study, and one to put in a 10 watt bulb instead.
Q: How many Buffalo municipal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Seven - two to administer the Civil Service examination for the Light Bulb Administrator position, the Commissioner of Public Works, who ends up hiring his brother for the position anyway, one to plow the mayor's driveway, a Summer Youth student to actually screw it in, and a union steward to protest that it's the electrician's job to screw in light bulbs.
Q: How many Buffalo senior citizens does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, after paying a telemarketer $2000 for the new bulb.
Q: How many of Buffalo's Protestants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Both.
Q: How many Rochester residents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Sixty-one - one to screw in the bulb, and sixty to comment about how much brighter the bulb is than light bulbs in Buffalo.
Q: How many Torontonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, but they leave the old bulb in the parking lot of the Galleria Mall.
Q: How many Nardin Academy students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one - - she holds up the bulb, and the world revolves around her.
Q: How many Canisius College students does it to screw in a light bulb?
A: Nine - one to order the bulb from J. Crew, one to buy a case of Molson's, one to hold the bulb up, one to drive the Saab in real tight circles and five to stand around and say "duuuuuude."
